Sometimes you have to touch the bottom before you work your way back up.
Reminder: it’s okay to touch the bottom knowing you’re en route to resurfacing.
“Because I went from negative to positive” – See Biggie knew what was up
-ACovie
How do you begin to ingest
All that’s progressed
Over limited time
When you start to rewind
The surge of sensation
Has begun it’s escalation
Actuality
Of this new reality
On display
Soon to be set on replay
Unable to comprehend
Exactly what I intend
Incapable of understanding
Where life is landing
Paralleled with exhilaration
Filling this empty souls starvation
Downright adventure
and unfamiliar ventures
Connection with souls
Harboring similar goals
Expressing an internal ambition
Without condition
Writing the next division
In every day life revision
-ACovie
It’s who I am
I overshare, I’m completely aware
Would you like some insight
On my internal fights
Do you want to understand
What my mind commands
Interested in the details
Of my inner trails
Tangled in knots
These overcompensating thoughts
Stored in a receptacle
It’s quite the skeptical
Although, under control
Focused on future goals
Thrusting into the unknown
Avoiding that which I can’t condone
Taking to refinement
Of my life’s realignment
With pride and grace
No matter what I face
Excited to hit reset
These days I’ll never forget
-ACovie
I want to attribute
Conditions I can’t dispute
Quality traits
Personality updates
I’ve had to acquire
Thanks to your burning desire
To fracture my being
Yes, this is what I’m seeing
An existence with a cause
To put my life on pause
Skin like leather
I’ve had to weather
Tough as nails
From your derails
Heightened defense
Mood fluctuations so immense
Tender as can be
Followed by thievery
Of my worth
Evident since birth
My recollection
Of your affection
What you conspire
Each time you misfire
To break me down
Watch me drown
It feels like a goal
To tear apart my soul
I won’t concede
Or allow you to proceed
With this destruction
Constant obstruction
To my growth
I take this oath
You will no longer succeed
Heart and mind agreed
To take the high route
Without a doubt
I’ve cultivated what not to be
Some day you’ll see
An unfortunate ending
No longer pretending
That it’s okay
To treat me this way
Standing my ground
Feeling profound
Free from fear
I’m a pioneer
On a new endeavor
Feeling braver than ever
-ACovie
As if we never knew each other
Dear Ex Lover
Once treasured
Now weathered
Who are you?
I’m having a breakthrough
True colors emerge
With each angry word
I understand the hate
Although, I can’t relate
Broken ties
Makes one realize
Truth behind
The broken mind
I can’t rectify
But can clarify
The wills
Not intended ill
Not meant in distaste
Feeling disgraced
From emotions inside
I could no longer hide
When honesty fails
Told in tales
Who’s to believe
My words misconceived
When defending my soul
Feels like a deep hole
I can’t depart
Detained in my heart
But I will say this
I’m returning to bliss
Rounding the curb
This I deserve
You can’t take my ability
With your irresponsibility
Of my words
It’s what I’ve heard
Whether or not you agree
I’m still me
-ACovie
Photo by: ACovie
I’m enjoying the scenery, expecting nothing at all. It’s the most wonderful thing.
-ACovie
©ACovaPhotography
It’s Over
Finks playing
Pen on paper
Makes it so permanent
Life feels lighter
I feel the disapproval
Behind the lines
Of people I once held dear
It’s anyone’s fear
I understand the circumstances
Of this unmentioned judgement
Although, these choices, my decisions
Have no revisions
Evaluate as you will
This perception of what occurred
Your prejudged behaviorism
Is no algorithm
There is no scientific proof
No explanation for emotion
Or way to decipher this longing necessity
To feed our souls endlessly
Desired differently
From soul to soul
Attempting to analyze, disentangle
Leaves worlds mangled
Yet this judgment placed
Unjustly
Is beyond my authority
And truthfully low priority
The truth is
The truth isn’t deserved
My decisions aren’t up for consent
There is no argument
The way I feel in the moment
For an instant
Or for a lifetime
Will always be mine
❤
ACovie
I think saying your available can be an anomaly. I thought about this tonight: If someone was to ask me if I was available I would respond yes and be lying. I had to sit with that for a minute and understand why exactly am I not available seeing as I am single?
I recently decided to take a voyage of my own. I made this decision knowing I wanted to really live life for me before I made the declaration to give my all to someone else. In my mind, how couldn’t this make sense especially knowing I haven’t done this yet (or at least not for long enough). There are obviously other outlying details here but who wants to get mixed up in the nonsense?
So of course initial post break-up you’re ready to jump back on the ban wagon and see whats out there. <— That has taken a recent turn for me. Don’t get me wrong, I of course want to know whats out there but I’m really not available for anything real and I think that might be the best part about it.
There’s always been this who I am cloud that floats around me. I’ve always had a pretty good grasp upon it but due to my extreme indecisiveness it slips now and again. In my life, right now, this is a very important question for me. I’ve realized I don’t have time to romance anyone else and I don’t have time to coach anyone else on how to live their life because I am full time coach for myself. That might sound more selfish than it actually is and let’s get real we’re all pretty selfish. The reality is this is not being selfish, this is putting myself first. Why do I think I should put myself first? Well, see when we get married and we have kids we no longer come first. Which in turn means the time we have right now prior to said loved ones is for ourselves.
Here’s the kicker. When you’re in a relationship and you don’t fully know yourself it’s easier to mold to things that work best with your significant other. We’ve all been there, done that. I know I have. There could very well be nothing wrong with that and I know I’m definitely not one to confirm this theory for anyone else but this is has been the case for me.
So here’s what I want: I want to romance myself, I want to grow myself all on my own, and then I want to share that with someone else who has done the same thing. To me that only makes sense.
Light bulb.
Goodnight.
acovie 