acovie

Category: spokenword

Searching for My Self

I remember a girl

Strong willed,

Heart and mind

I recall her depth

Undoubabtle purpose

Absolute necessity to succeed

Her understanding

Of what that really meant

A cause all her own

Powerful

Inspiring

Her unstoppable prescense

She was an unsung hero

For herself

I miss that girl

The search continues to find her

Discover how she veered off track

To guide her

Back to her roots

While noting

This detour

From her destiny

The hangups

And their past

I know she needs me

Because she

Is me 

-ACovie

Foggy Nostalgia

Some days I can feel the growth
Deep rooted decisions
Moving rapidly beneath my feet
Reminding me
Of the past
What once was
Contrasting with the presence
Boldly

I’ve been in a fog
A fog of contentment
A place I’ve never been
Constantly searching
For what is wrong
To discover nothing

What is this need for change?
This dissatisfaction
With settlement
Why can’t I stay put?
I applaud my inner workings
On their obsession
With development
I simply wish
They could take the time
To enjoy the peace

_ACovie

Grateful

My life has changed immensely in a short period of time.  What’s more wild is that I don’t even notice it 99% of the time.  Two years ago I was headed in a completely different direction from the place I sit now.  It really is unbelievable how each decision truly shapes your life.  You may not even know it when it is happening or realize until years later but every single decision you make impacts you eventually.

It’s simple, really.  It’s what you are told from childhood and throughout adulthood, but the ramifications are never apparent until you pause.

Take a pause.

When I reflect I recall hearts I broke, people who broke mine, days I thought would surely kill me, and a multitude of great memories.

As I sit here now I am so grateful.

I am grateful for my courage to listen to my intuitions no matter how long it took my heart and mind to agree.   I am grateful for every soul that has touched mine, negatively or positively.  I am grateful for change, for growth, for pain, and for happiness.  I am grateful to love and to be loved.

I am grateful to be alive.

I’ve said it many times and I will say it again,
cheers to change,
cheers to growth,
and cheers to being afraid.
Because at the end of the day it will all be worth it.

Yours,
ACovie

Aspirations

I aspire
To inspire
Driven
To live in
A world that elevates
Negotiates
Logically and thoughtfully
Without ignorance
Or inference

Unafraid
To say
Taking the time
Before chiming in
To realize
Within words what actually lies

Understand
Outside dreamland
What’s real
Consider the depth
How people feel
With consideration
Of sensitivity
But reality
Of actuality

-ACovie

Now Is the Time

Am I a writer
Because I say I am?
What characteristics
qualify me
To be the image
I believe
To be

With vision
easily clouded
alternate perspectives,
Views, opinions

When is the line drawn
Between where we want to be
And where
others speculate

When do we stand up
For all that we are?

The answer
is now

– ACovie

Fluctuating Feelings

My direction is wavering
Although, this is not uncommon

I set a fire an old life
and planted seeds for a new one
Now I see trimmings are in order

This never ending cycle of growth
At times blissful
Others daunting

I wish I better understood my needs
My desires
I await the day the light bulb stops flickering
And glows continuously
The flame I chase may be out of reach,
but I continue to run towards it
I want so much
And nothing at all

I can never truly make up my mind
The blessing and curse that ensues

Now here I am
lying awake again
Questioning my every move

– ACovie

Staggering

Tangled
Internally mangled
I broke my promise
I’ve been dishonest
My mind losing the conflict
My heart decided to inflict
Finding myself calculating
Waiting, than re-evaluating
This desire, is it legitimate?
I’m afraid to admit
The fear of not comprehending
A sought after ending
Consumed in fog
Thick, musty smog
Swept up from below
Started to let go
Now here I waver
At what I savor
Swinging at the fiction
Of previous convictions
As I digress
I wanted to express
Contemplating, debating
Appreciating
Exploring the intention
Evaluating the prevention
The barriers that emerge
With uncertain word
Seeking my point of evacuation
From my fear of relation
What is the strength?
Holding arms length
Or taking the fall
To potentially have it all
-ACovie

Untitled

Do you believe in this?
This undeniable bliss
Underlying emotion
Unspoken devotion
Is existence jaded?
Am I mentally sedated?
Apprehension subsided
In the case I’m misguided
At the edge of a high dive
Anticipating my soul revived
Dodging concerned projections
Results of these affections
Because wide open is terrifying
No need for denying
Exposing your soul
For another to know
To potentially be denied
Takes a toll on ones pride
Although, the reward greater
Finding your hearts translator
Worth the exposure
Of pure disclosure
Resisting tenacity
Offering my minds capacity
In hopes of return
A complementary yearn

-ACovie

Greatest Fear

DSC_1669 2

Resetting induces redefining
Instinctively combining
Rediscovering
While uncovering
Layers exclusive
Naturally elusive
Exposed from strain
Difficult to explain
The need to understand
What’s at hand
This opportunity
To find internal unity
To release
And make peace
With obstacles uncontrollable
Being consolable
Autonomously
It must be
The perfect storm
Stepping out of the norm
Waiting for the dust to clear
Or maybe that’s my greatest fear

-ACovie
Photo by ACovie

The Reset – Reality 

  
Reflective Saturday 

Reality, I’m here to stay 

Strolls through the city

Over which I’ve been so giddy 

This dream come true

So long overdue

Overwhelming sadness

Ideological madness

Verity in this decision

Pause in revision

The fast track

To all the boxes unpacked

Arrived at a standstill

Forced to absorb my fill

This decision I’ve shaped

My old life I’ve escaped

It’s authentic

Most moments virtually hallucinagenic

An elaborate cocktail

Of adventurous, anxious, brave, and frail 

No constant one second to the next

My introspection indefinitely complex

I cant disengage

This mental cage

This roller coaster of emotion

From what I’ve chosen

I wouldn’t change the circumstance

Accompanying this urban romance

Harnessing these feelings

Appreciating these dealings

For the day I reflect

And think, now what’s next?

-ACovie