acovie

Category: love

Thanks for being you

As everything else in my life has went awry, I thank all that is good in you.

I wish you fully knew.

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How do I know, if I love you?

I can’t write.  I can’t write because I can’t compile my thoughts.  I find it so upsetting.  Such an uphill battle, this internal war I’m directing between my heart and my mind.  I fall too fast, too quick, I’m too honest, too open, completely transparent.  All qualities I’ve embraced and fought for as long as I can remember. I really love.  Love in the way that I love the world, including the stranger on the corner who smiled at me.  Love like my deep obsession for rice krispie treats and a good cup of coffee.  I am simply a person who loves.  This doesn’t discredit my character, it doesn’t mean I’m weak, and it doesn’t mean that I can’t or won’t love deeper each opportunity I get to love again.

Love is terrifying…  a complied mess of beauty, emotions, and fear.

As it turns out, I love being scared.

-ACovie

Late Night Thought X19

That which can be the greatest desire can become the opposition in a matter of moments.  It’s genuinely terrifying. Although, being open to the unknown is the only way to truly live. 

I’ve always been grateful for my deep sea dives in the end. 
Relishing in momentary bliss. I live for these moments. 

-ACovie 

Staggering

Tangled
Internally mangled
I broke my promise
I’ve been dishonest
My mind losing the conflict
My heart decided to inflict
Finding myself calculating
Waiting, than re-evaluating
This desire, is it legitimate?
I’m afraid to admit
The fear of not comprehending
A sought after ending
Consumed in fog
Thick, musty smog
Swept up from below
Started to let go
Now here I waver
At what I savor
Swinging at the fiction
Of previous convictions
As I digress
I wanted to express
Contemplating, debating
Appreciating
Exploring the intention
Evaluating the prevention
The barriers that emerge
With uncertain word
Seeking my point of evacuation
From my fear of relation
What is the strength?
Holding arms length
Or taking the fall
To potentially have it all
-ACovie

Evaluate | Relate | Re-Evaluate

“Oh why, oh why do they teach us Shakespeare
When we’re only 16, with no idea, what it all means
Oh Romeo, oh Romeo he thinks it’s a love thing
All masks and kisses from the balcony
It’s deeper than that though, it’s a fuckin’ tragedy”

Shakespeare by Fink

—-

I allowed myself to get wrapped up, although I have continued to promised myself I’d quit.  I’ve made this promise before.  I’ve broken this promise in the past.  I experienced that unfortunate sadness that comes along with opening up, and although it may only be brief it reminds me how horrible that feeling is.  It’s astonishing how powerful the heart can be.  The brain is mighty,  but in my case, the heart typically wins.

I have this vision of charging forward through life, strong, and alone.  That’s not in a depressing sense but ideally I’d be okay with that.  My venture is unbelievably strong when I’m completely on my own.  My vision is clear, concise, and I am making all moves necessary to achieve it. Until the clouds roll in.  The brain fog starts to seep up from the heart just as someone begins to claim it.

I promised myself the strength to consider yours truly first, always. The difference now is, I actually do.  Even when I am teetering hundreds of feet above what I feel could be a blissful fall, I stagger.  The idea of expressing and not receiving is deceiving.  And finding the meaning behind another souls words can be devastating.  Also, avoided.  Should we know instinctively when to jump?  Will our conscience with equal balance of heart and mind give us the push when it’s time to dive?

Here I am contemplating, debating, and appreciating all in the same thought the idea of what it would be like to really have my someone.  The real question is in all of this:  How willing am I to get hurt?

– ACovie

Untitled

Do you believe in this?
This undeniable bliss
Underlying emotion
Unspoken devotion
Is existence jaded?
Am I mentally sedated?
Apprehension subsided
In the case I’m misguided
At the edge of a high dive
Anticipating my soul revived
Dodging concerned projections
Results of these affections
Because wide open is terrifying
No need for denying
Exposing your soul
For another to know
To potentially be denied
Takes a toll on ones pride
Although, the reward greater
Finding your hearts translator
Worth the exposure
Of pure disclosure
Resisting tenacity
Offering my minds capacity
In hopes of return
A complementary yearn

-ACovie

Think About It #3

It’s more rewarding to have someone want to be with you versus needing to be with you. 

Think about it. 

-ACovie

Moments of Bliss

Observing your gaze

After we’ve already walked away

Lifts my soul

For a moment I feel whole

-ACovie

Snow VS Nude Pumps

It’s cold and I don’t care
I let down my hair
Excited for new adventure
Wherever my life may venture

To be continued…

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Unity

I want it all
The long haul
Seeking complement
Of my self-confidence
Feeling qualified
Having extra time occupied
Figuring it out
Without a doubt
Understanding the requirement
Of my desired environment
The association
Of this configuration
Considered intently
Incidentally
Experiences prior
That happened to misfire
Provoked this discovery
Of my souls recovery
Unable to explain
Former disdain
Emptiness is restless
Vested and infectious
Lost existence
Of this coexistence
Until revelation
Liquefying sedation
Overflowing the mind
No longer confined
Shackles released
Undeniably relieved
Normality reconnecting
From correcting
Imbalance with individuality
Regaining personality
On occasion were absorbed
By feelings ignored
Signs evaded
A result of being jaded
Moral essence
From adolescence
To find relation
A confirmation
Of our yearning
Intrinsic burning
Previously restricted
Now depicted
Undeniably distinct
As if I blinked
Shed the covering
Now rediscovering
The legibility
Of my ability
To love and be adored
It’s restored
I know what I require
More importantly what I admire
I want unity
In a two person community
Mutual consideration
Of required elation
Your qualms and mine
Find understanding over wine
A sensitivity
Creating connectivity
I want it all
The long haul
Seeking compliment
In each other’s accomplishments

– ACovie