My life has changed immensely in a short period of time. What’s more wild is that I don’t even notice it 99% of the time. Two years ago I was headed in a completely different direction from the place I sit now. It really is unbelievable how each decision truly shapes your life. You may not even know it when it is happening or realize until years later but every single decision you make impacts you eventually.
It’s simple, really. It’s what you are told from childhood and throughout adulthood, but the ramifications are never apparent until you pause.
Take a pause.
When I reflect I recall hearts I broke, people who broke mine, days I thought would surely kill me, and a multitude of great memories.
As I sit here now I am so grateful.
I am grateful for my courage to listen to my intuitions no matter how long it took my heart and mind to agree. I am grateful for every soul that has touched mine, negatively or positively. I am grateful for change, for growth, for pain, and for happiness. I am grateful to love and to be loved.
I am grateful to be alive.
I’ve said it many times and I will say it again,
cheers to change,
cheers to growth,
and cheers to being afraid.
Because at the end of the day it will all be worth it.
Sometimes you just need a good cry. The kind that comes from the deep dark patches of your soul filled with all of the pent up things you’ve been attempting to avoid.
When it happens be sure to determine the reason behind the tears, accept them, and move forward.
There is no growth without reflection.
Cheers to tears,
I’m thinking about this heavily as it has been wearing on my heart for some time now. I’ve been unable to understand this feeling of displacement and its full extent. This time last year I was a different woman. I was confident and abnormally excited to conquer the world. I made one of, if not the largest decision of my life to move to a brand new city and advance my career.
As I am sitting here tonight watching inspirational women talk about the need for women to be brave and take chances and I am reminded of my soul’s core. The different woman that I was a year ago was an advocate for women chasing their dreams, reaching their goals, and being courageous. The woman I am now is timid. It’s a reality I am willing to admit but am immediately working to change. I’ve allowed external vices to beat down that once confident woman looking to take on the world. The most challenging factor to swallow with this realization is that another woman has aided in bringing me to this point.
We as women have an unspoken obligation to lift the morale of other women. It is our duty to motivate and encourage each other rather than discouraging and knocking down women surrounding us to ‘get to the top’. We need to come together and utilize each others abilities to reach our full potential. Competition is good, and healthy to the right extent. But women in the work place already have a bad name for being too emotional and there is already a stigma that we are unable to handle power. My recent experiences have proven just that and it saddens me. How are we as a gender supposed to overcome stereotypes if we are willing to demolish the spirits of the women surrounding us? How does that make us any better than the cliché we are trying to surpass.
I’m upset with myself for allowing another person to defeat my spirits. But moreover I am upset that another woman has had to audacity to dismember my confidence and self worth solely because of the position she upholds.
I am rekindling my desire to inspire other women. I am revitalizing the fire from within that motivates me to not only be a better woman but to share that desire with any women willing to listen. I’m challenging myself to be brave, to be courageous, and to chase my dreams while inspiring others to do the same.
The real question is, who’s coming with me?
I haven’t visited in some time
Likely out of fear
Fear for my reality
This presence has frightened me
The in depth realism
To opening the gates
To what was once bliss
Within the sunshine
You can’t appreciate rays
Without some darkness
Oh how I’ve missed you
Warmth of my mind
I welcome your return
You’ll again leave
and my avoidance
Until my next awakening
As everything else in my life has went awry, I thank all that is good in you.
I wish you fully knew.
I want the elation I know exists
The sweetest of sensations
The longing is undeniable
Dependent upon stance
Willingness to take a chance
I believe I’m obsessed
It needs to be addressed
Never fully satisfied
What next can be modified?
The pages displayed
Time sure flies
Where have I been?
It would appear as if I had blinked
a few months forward
from a few months back
Of losing yourself
From time to time
Why am I lost?
Why can’t I find my way?
The direction is unclear..
and I still haven’t landed
My spirits are beat down. I’m finally willing to admit it. The sleepless nights, indecisive thoughts, and eradic emotions are beginning to make sense. It’s hard to swallow your pride and admit when you’re hurt. It’s easy to mistake these feelings for weakness.
I’m not weak. I am hurt. I am struggling. And now I’m going to work to change that.
Consuming late night thoughts you strike again, I’m striking back.