acovie

A Bundle of Internal Chaos

I am well

Put together

A compilation of nuts and bolts

Safely securing my identity

At least at a glance

Internally

My wires cross

Circuits overloaded

Switched to the wrong side of the panel

A sea of misconceptions

Ones I’ve made

About myself

Most days I parade on

Unscathed

Until something rattles me

An old song

Reminders of ugly truths

Unburying my past

If only briefly

Reminding me

To face my demons

I pack them up neatly

As if folded laundry

Secured tight within a locked suitcase

Tucked away

Deep in my soul

The day will come

When I release the gates

And walk through the tunnel

In search of the light

The day is looming

Although, at this moment

I’m simply not ready

-ACovie

03/13/19

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What do I want?

I feel I may be in a predicament that I continuously find myself in. What is this incessant need to please? As if my happiness is less important than those around me. I read that very sentence and it seems ridiculous. Of course I wouldn’t put my happiness before others. But when I really reflect on my frustrations, I find that they are rooted in a simple fact. I am not doing what my heart desires. Old habits die hard. That phrase couldn’t be more true in this case.

Reflecting on my most blissful moments, hell reading my old blog posts, I can’t help but notice the happiest times in my life are when I am in complete control. Again, that sounds so pathetic when said aloud but it’s a reality of my life. I aim to please.

How do I take control of my own faults? How do I continuously keep myself in check to ensure I am living up to all of my own expectations. This is my goal. I am going to command my own ship without feeling bad about it. First, I need to figure out exactly what it is I want.

To be continued…

Bright Vs Dark

DSC_1850

A deep breath in
My insides expand
Like an overfilled balloon
Primed to erupt
Where is the balance?
I find myself atop a slack line
Teetering between happiness and sorrow
It consumes me
Fighting in the dark
Against a force, I can’t see
Swinging my fists
At nothingness
Welling up inside, yet
Composed on the surface
This whirlwind
My reality
The furry of my frustrations
Exhaust my mind
My inspiration dimmed
Motivation faltered
Although temporary
These moments
Are deep wounds
Resurfacing from time to time
Coating my bright interior
With darkness
Until I find the strength
To pick up a new brush
And paint them bright again

_ACovie
Photo by: Angela Galea

 

181214_Plant Life

I had this sensation
You were drawing me in
Using your presence
To paint an abstraction
Captivating enough
To make me question
My vitality
To compare your
Honest impression
To my internal mechanisms
As you have imprinted my wall
I want to embellish the lives
Of those around me
Sharing in observation
and celebrating difference

-ACovie

Wishful Thinking

20180901_Rain and Shine

I’d like to find a crossroad
Where we can wave
Happily and lovingly
As individuals
Comrades, and passerbys
Respecting our contrast
And celebrating
Our connections
I’d like to reroute
Rediscover
The possibilities
Of unity
Deep within
Debate
I’d prefer to better understand
Each others context
As if it were required
By our proclivity
There’s a beautiful cross section
Between compassion
And practicality
Just as there’s a reason
They deserve
Their own definitions
I’d like to remember
Why life is so wonderful
Rather than
Destroy the most magnificent
Essence of our being
Our disparity

_ACovie

Photo: ACovie

Fleeting Feelings

I felt you in the air tonight

Overcome with weightlessness

Eyes pressed lightly shut

I experienced longer exhales

And took in the moment

Watching the leaves on the trees

Dance in the warm summer breeze

Buzzing of my winged neighbors

And the melody of the city surrounding me

I could feel you

Welling up inside

This familiar feeling

I’ve missed you

Fleeting in

unexpectedly

never by surprise

reuniting me

With my former self

Recalling past encounters

Embracing the journey

Inhaling happiness

I felt free

-ACovie

Photo: Kevin Barry Fine Art Photographer

Cornered 20180502

I’m Willing to Climb

Avoidance

This island

Uncluttered

An illusion I’ve created

From a strained alliance

I can no longer confide

As if I ever truly could

This yearning, juvenile

An unrealistic ambition

Bringing me to this byroad

The serenity I’ve found

By circumvention

Is it real?

– ACovie

Searching for My Self

I remember a girl

Strong willed,

Heart and mind

I recall her depth

Undoubabtle purpose

Absolute necessity to succeed

Her understanding

Of what that really meant

A cause all her own

Powerful

Inspiring

Her unstoppable prescense

She was an unsung hero

For herself

I miss that girl

The search continues to find her

Discover how she veered off track

To guide her

Back to her roots

While noting

This detour

From her destiny

The hangups

And their past

I know she needs me

Because she

Is me 

-ACovie