acovie

Category: Writing

Searching for My Self

I remember a girl

Strong willed,

Heart and mind

I recall her depth

Undoubabtle purpose

Absolute necessity to succeed

Her understanding

Of what that really meant

A cause all her own

Powerful

Inspiring

Her unstoppable prescense

She was an unsung hero

For herself

I miss that girl

The search continues to find her

Discover how she veered off track

To guide her

Back to her roots

While noting

This detour

From her destiny

The hangups

And their past

I know she needs me

Because she

Is me 

-ACovie

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Foggy Nostalgia

Some days I can feel the growth
Deep rooted decisions
Moving rapidly beneath my feet
Reminding me
Of the past
What once was
Contrasting with the presence
Boldly

I’ve been in a fog
A fog of contentment
A place I’ve never been
Constantly searching
For what is wrong
To discover nothing

What is this need for change?
This dissatisfaction
With settlement
Why can’t I stay put?
I applaud my inner workings
On their obsession
With development
I simply wish
They could take the time
To enjoy the peace

_ACovie

Grateful

My life has changed immensely in a short period of time.  What’s more wild is that I don’t even notice it 99% of the time.  Two years ago I was headed in a completely different direction from the place I sit now.  It really is unbelievable how each decision truly shapes your life.  You may not even know it when it is happening or realize until years later but every single decision you make impacts you eventually.

It’s simple, really.  It’s what you are told from childhood and throughout adulthood, but the ramifications are never apparent until you pause.

Take a pause.

When I reflect I recall hearts I broke, people who broke mine, days I thought would surely kill me, and a multitude of great memories.

As I sit here now I am so grateful.

I am grateful for my courage to listen to my intuitions no matter how long it took my heart and mind to agree.   I am grateful for every soul that has touched mine, negatively or positively.  I am grateful for change, for growth, for pain, and for happiness.  I am grateful to love and to be loved.

I am grateful to be alive.

I’ve said it many times and I will say it again,
cheers to change,
cheers to growth,
and cheers to being afraid.
Because at the end of the day it will all be worth it.

Yours,
ACovie

I Am Woman, Roar with me!

I’m thinking about this heavily as it has been wearing on my heart for some time now.  I’ve been unable to understand this feeling of displacement and its full extent.  This time last year I was a different woman.  I was confident and abnormally excited to conquer the world.  I made one of, if not the largest decision of my life to move to a brand new city and advance my career.

As I am sitting here tonight watching inspirational women talk about the need for women to be brave and take chances and I am reminded of my soul’s core.  The different woman that I was a year ago was an advocate for women chasing their dreams, reaching their goals, and being courageous. The woman I am now is timid. It’s a reality I am willing to admit but am immediately working to change.  I’ve allowed external vices to beat down that once confident woman looking to take on the world.  The most challenging factor to swallow with this realization is that another woman has aided in bringing me to this point.

We as women have an unspoken obligation to lift the morale of other women.  It is our duty to motivate and encourage each other rather than discouraging and knocking down women surrounding us to ‘get to the top’.  We need to come together and utilize each others abilities to reach our full potential.  Competition is good, and healthy to the right extent.  But women in the work place already have a bad name for being too emotional and there is already a stigma that we are unable to handle power.  My recent experiences have proven just that and it saddens me.  How are we as a gender supposed to overcome stereotypes if we are willing to demolish the spirits of the women surrounding us?  How does that make us any better than the cliché we are trying to surpass.

I’m upset with myself for allowing another person to defeat my spirits. But moreover I am upset that another woman has had to audacity to dismember my confidence and self worth solely because of the position she upholds.

I am rekindling my desire to inspire other women.  I am revitalizing the fire from within that motivates me to not only be a better woman but to share that desire with any women willing to listen.  I’m challenging myself to be brave, to be courageous, and to chase my dreams while inspiring others to do the same.

The real question is, who’s coming with me?

-ACovie

Shadows & Sunshine

Shadows and Sunshine

I haven’t visited in some time
Likely out of fear
Fear for my reality
The changes
Painstakingly necessary
Undoubtedly unavoidable

This presence has frightened me
The in depth realism
To opening the gates
Again
To what was once bliss
No longer

Within the sunshine
Comes shadows
You can’t appreciate rays
Without some darkness
Oh how I’ve missed you
Warmth of my mind

I welcome your return
and acknowledge
You’ll again leave
and my avoidance
Will reestablish
Until my next awakening

-ACovie

No Satisfaction

I want the elation I know exists
Utmost bliss
The sweetest of sensations
Internal acclamation
The longing is undeniable
Timing, unreliable
Dependent upon stance
Willingness to take a chance
I believe I’m obsessed
It needs to be addressed
Never fully satisfied
What next can be modified?

-ACovie

December 28, 2015

The pages displayed
Septembers past
Time sure flies

Where have I been?
It would appear as if I had blinked
a few months forward
from a few months back

The inevitability
Of losing yourself
From time to time

Why am I lost?
Why can’t I find my way?
The direction is unclear..
I jumped
and I still haven’t landed

-ACovie

Think About It #5

Expression is an essential component of sanity.

-ACovie

Late Night Thought X21

My spirits are beat down. I’m finally willing to admit it. The sleepless nights, indecisive thoughts, and eradic emotions are beginning to make sense. It’s hard to swallow your pride and admit when you’re hurt. It’s easy to mistake these feelings for weakness. 

I’m not weak. I am hurt. I am struggling. And now I’m going to work to change that. 

Consuming late night thoughts you strike again, I’m striking back. 

-ACovie

Happy Birthday

It’s your day
Should I express
My emptiness
By allowing my pride
To step aside

Do I wish you well
Although, not reciprocated
Is this what fate slated?
Wondering what to say
Does it matter any way?

Happy day of birth
To you and all your pride
Perhaps some day we’ll collide
It’s against my better judgement
To deserve this punishment

– ACovie