Category: change

Foggy Nostalgia

Some days I can feel the growth
Deep rooted decisions
Moving rapidly beneath my feet
Reminding me
Of the past
What once was
Contrasting with the presence

I’ve been in a fog
A fog of contentment
A place I’ve never been
Constantly searching
For what is wrong
To discover nothing

What is this need for change?
This dissatisfaction
With settlement
Why can’t I stay put?
I applaud my inner workings
On their obsession
With development
I simply wish
They could take the time
To enjoy the peace




My life has changed immensely in a short period of time.  What’s more wild is that I don’t even notice it 99% of the time.  Two years ago I was headed in a completely different direction from the place I sit now.  It really is unbelievable how each decision truly shapes your life.  You may not even know it when it is happening or realize until years later but every single decision you make impacts you eventually.

It’s simple, really.  It’s what you are told from childhood and throughout adulthood, but the ramifications are never apparent until you pause.

Take a pause.

When I reflect I recall hearts I broke, people who broke mine, days I thought would surely kill me, and a multitude of great memories.

As I sit here now I am so grateful.

I am grateful for my courage to listen to my intuitions no matter how long it took my heart and mind to agree.   I am grateful for every soul that has touched mine, negatively or positively.  I am grateful for change, for growth, for pain, and for happiness.  I am grateful to love and to be loved.

I am grateful to be alive.

I’ve said it many times and I will say it again,
cheers to change,
cheers to growth,
and cheers to being afraid.
Because at the end of the day it will all be worth it.


Shadows & Sunshine

Shadows and Sunshine

I haven’t visited in some time
Likely out of fear
Fear for my reality
The changes
Painstakingly necessary
Undoubtedly unavoidable

This presence has frightened me
The in depth realism
To opening the gates
To what was once bliss
No longer

Within the sunshine
Comes shadows
You can’t appreciate rays
Without some darkness
Oh how I’ve missed you
Warmth of my mind

I welcome your return
and acknowledge
You’ll again leave
and my avoidance
Will reestablish
Until my next awakening


Thanks for being you

As everything else in my life has went awry, I thank all that is good in you.

I wish you fully knew.

December 28, 2015

The pages displayed
Septembers past
Time sure flies

Where have I been?
It would appear as if I had blinked
a few months forward
from a few months back

The inevitability
Of losing yourself
From time to time

Why am I lost?
Why can’t I find my way?
The direction is unclear..
I jumped
and I still haven’t landed


End of Year Reflection


I can’t help but appreciate changes to the seasons and their inevitable reminder to reflect. Years end invokes the beauty of the trials, tribulations, and conquests the year has brought on.

Cheers to reflecting!


Late Night Thought X21

My spirits are beat down. I’m finally willing to admit it. The sleepless nights, indecisive thoughts, and eradic emotions are beginning to make sense. It’s hard to swallow your pride and admit when you’re hurt. It’s easy to mistake these feelings for weakness. 

I’m not weak. I am hurt. I am struggling. And now I’m going to work to change that. 

Consuming late night thoughts you strike again, I’m striking back. 


Late Night Thought X17

You have to learn to appreciate the long nights. Especially the ones followed by an early morning. The walks alone in a city that’s still foreign. The reality of being alone, figuring it out. Don’t lose sight of the moments. They are just that, moments. Brief elements of what makes up who we are, who we are becoming. 

Oh, I love the moments. I love this eye opening experience for everything it’s worth and the woman it’s making me become. 
I almost lost sight…


Late Night Thought X15

The evolution of our being – It’s a miraculous thing.  Contemplating the impact of another person’s residence in your life no matter how long or short is enchanting.  Even in the broad sense of our lives each person has some form of outcome that results, sometimes without our knowledge.  I’m finding for me personally looking back on relationships over time gives me a better understanding of how I’ve grown and changed as an individual and definitely speaks to the person I am today.

Have you ever reviewed a past ‘form’ of yourself and thought ‘I can’t even imagine that person now’.  Maybe I’m strange but I have this feeling from time to time.  At the depth of my core there are consistent traits that have remained true throughout my life but the persona’s I have chosen over the years have been drastically different.  This can be viewed in a negative manner, and I do understand the reasoning behind that.  When I think about it on a real level I don’t view these persona’s as negative.  I view them as extremely positive. If you never tried something, if you never experienced different personalities, different lifestyles, how would you ever know the difference?  Comparing and contrasting and then being legitimate with yourself on the elements you favor is crucial. I’ve dabbled and will continue to dabble until I satisfy all of my curiosities.  Isn’t that the point?

I’ve missed you, consuming, late night thoughts.
Welcome back,

Greatest Fear

DSC_1669 2

Resetting induces redefining
Instinctively combining
While uncovering
Layers exclusive
Naturally elusive
Exposed from strain
Difficult to explain
The need to understand
What’s at hand
This opportunity
To find internal unity
To release
And make peace
With obstacles uncontrollable
Being consolable
It must be
The perfect storm
Stepping out of the norm
Waiting for the dust to clear
Or maybe that’s my greatest fear

Photo by ACovie