acovie

Category: emotion

Cheers to Tears

Sometimes you just need a good cry. The kind that comes from the deep dark patches of your soul filled with all of the pent up things you’ve been attempting to avoid. 

When it happens be sure to determine the reason behind the tears, accept them, and move forward.

There is no growth without reflection. 

Cheers to tears,

ACovie

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Shadows & Sunshine

Shadows and Sunshine

I haven’t visited in some time
Likely out of fear
Fear for my reality
The changes
Painstakingly necessary
Undoubtedly unavoidable

This presence has frightened me
The in depth realism
To opening the gates
Again
To what was once bliss
No longer

Within the sunshine
Comes shadows
You can’t appreciate rays
Without some darkness
Oh how I’ve missed you
Warmth of my mind

I welcome your return
and acknowledge
You’ll again leave
and my avoidance
Will reestablish
Until my next awakening

-ACovie

Thanks for being you

As everything else in my life has went awry, I thank all that is good in you.

I wish you fully knew.

Late Night Thought X21

My spirits are beat down. I’m finally willing to admit it. The sleepless nights, indecisive thoughts, and eradic emotions are beginning to make sense. It’s hard to swallow your pride and admit when you’re hurt. It’s easy to mistake these feelings for weakness. 

I’m not weak. I am hurt. I am struggling. And now I’m going to work to change that. 

Consuming late night thoughts you strike again, I’m striking back. 

-ACovie

Late Night Thought X19

That which can be the greatest desire can become the opposition in a matter of moments.  It’s genuinely terrifying. Although, being open to the unknown is the only way to truly live. 

I’ve always been grateful for my deep sea dives in the end. 
Relishing in momentary bliss. I live for these moments. 

-ACovie 

Late Night Thought X18

The ultimate goal is finding your partner in life that wants to do,experience, and conquer all of the same things you do. I’m reminded of this every time I spend time with my father. He, his wife, and his friends have more fun doing absolutely nothing because they simply love life for all of the same reasons. I want to find the love that that people envy. I refuse to have anything less than just that. If I stab myself in the foot and end up alone, so be it. I want my best friend, my co-pilot, my ultimate partner to conquer, love, live, and experience this life for all it is. 

Light bulb night. The best nights. 

-ACovie 

Late Night Thought X17

You have to learn to appreciate the long nights. Especially the ones followed by an early morning. The walks alone in a city that’s still foreign. The reality of being alone, figuring it out. Don’t lose sight of the moments. They are just that, moments. Brief elements of what makes up who we are, who we are becoming. 

Oh, I love the moments. I love this eye opening experience for everything it’s worth and the woman it’s making me become. 
I almost lost sight…

-ACovie

Evaluate | Relate | Re-Evaluate

“Oh why, oh why do they teach us Shakespeare
When we’re only 16, with no idea, what it all means
Oh Romeo, oh Romeo he thinks it’s a love thing
All masks and kisses from the balcony
It’s deeper than that though, it’s a fuckin’ tragedy”

Shakespeare by Fink

—-

I allowed myself to get wrapped up, although I have continued to promised myself I’d quit.  I’ve made this promise before.  I’ve broken this promise in the past.  I experienced that unfortunate sadness that comes along with opening up, and although it may only be brief it reminds me how horrible that feeling is.  It’s astonishing how powerful the heart can be.  The brain is mighty,  but in my case, the heart typically wins.

I have this vision of charging forward through life, strong, and alone.  That’s not in a depressing sense but ideally I’d be okay with that.  My venture is unbelievably strong when I’m completely on my own.  My vision is clear, concise, and I am making all moves necessary to achieve it. Until the clouds roll in.  The brain fog starts to seep up from the heart just as someone begins to claim it.

I promised myself the strength to consider yours truly first, always. The difference now is, I actually do.  Even when I am teetering hundreds of feet above what I feel could be a blissful fall, I stagger.  The idea of expressing and not receiving is deceiving.  And finding the meaning behind another souls words can be devastating.  Also, avoided.  Should we know instinctively when to jump?  Will our conscience with equal balance of heart and mind give us the push when it’s time to dive?

Here I am contemplating, debating, and appreciating all in the same thought the idea of what it would be like to really have my someone.  The real question is in all of this:  How willing am I to get hurt?

– ACovie

Untitled

Do you believe in this?
This undeniable bliss
Underlying emotion
Unspoken devotion
Is existence jaded?
Am I mentally sedated?
Apprehension subsided
In the case I’m misguided
At the edge of a high dive
Anticipating my soul revived
Dodging concerned projections
Results of these affections
Because wide open is terrifying
No need for denying
Exposing your soul
For another to know
To potentially be denied
Takes a toll on ones pride
Although, the reward greater
Finding your hearts translator
Worth the exposure
Of pure disclosure
Resisting tenacity
Offering my minds capacity
In hopes of return
A complementary yearn

-ACovie