acovie

Month: August, 2015

Late Night Thought X18

The ultimate goal is finding your partner in life that wants to do,experience, and conquer all of the same things you do. I’m reminded of this every time I spend time with my father. He, his wife, and his friends have more fun doing absolutely nothing because they simply love life for all of the same reasons. I want to find the love that that people envy. I refuse to have anything less than just that. If I stab myself in the foot and end up alone, so be it. I want my best friend, my co-pilot, my ultimate partner to conquer, love, live, and experience this life for all it is. 

Light bulb night. The best nights. 

-ACovie 

Late Night Thought X17

You have to learn to appreciate the long nights. Especially the ones followed by an early morning. The walks alone in a city that’s still foreign. The reality of being alone, figuring it out. Don’t lose sight of the moments. They are just that, moments. Brief elements of what makes up who we are, who we are becoming. 

Oh, I love the moments. I love this eye opening experience for everything it’s worth and the woman it’s making me become. 
I almost lost sight…

-ACovie

Staggering

Tangled
Internally mangled
I broke my promise
I’ve been dishonest
My mind losing the conflict
My heart decided to inflict
Finding myself calculating
Waiting, than re-evaluating
This desire, is it legitimate?
I’m afraid to admit
The fear of not comprehending
A sought after ending
Consumed in fog
Thick, musty smog
Swept up from below
Started to let go
Now here I waver
At what I savor
Swinging at the fiction
Of previous convictions
As I digress
I wanted to express
Contemplating, debating
Appreciating
Exploring the intention
Evaluating the prevention
The barriers that emerge
With uncertain word
Seeking my point of evacuation
From my fear of relation
What is the strength?
Holding arms length
Or taking the fall
To potentially have it all
-ACovie

Evaluate | Relate | Re-Evaluate

“Oh why, oh why do they teach us Shakespeare
When we’re only 16, with no idea, what it all means
Oh Romeo, oh Romeo he thinks it’s a love thing
All masks and kisses from the balcony
It’s deeper than that though, it’s a fuckin’ tragedy”

Shakespeare by Fink

—-

I allowed myself to get wrapped up, although I have continued to promised myself I’d quit.  I’ve made this promise before.  I’ve broken this promise in the past.  I experienced that unfortunate sadness that comes along with opening up, and although it may only be brief it reminds me how horrible that feeling is.  It’s astonishing how powerful the heart can be.  The brain is mighty,  but in my case, the heart typically wins.

I have this vision of charging forward through life, strong, and alone.  That’s not in a depressing sense but ideally I’d be okay with that.  My venture is unbelievably strong when I’m completely on my own.  My vision is clear, concise, and I am making all moves necessary to achieve it. Until the clouds roll in.  The brain fog starts to seep up from the heart just as someone begins to claim it.

I promised myself the strength to consider yours truly first, always. The difference now is, I actually do.  Even when I am teetering hundreds of feet above what I feel could be a blissful fall, I stagger.  The idea of expressing and not receiving is deceiving.  And finding the meaning behind another souls words can be devastating.  Also, avoided.  Should we know instinctively when to jump?  Will our conscience with equal balance of heart and mind give us the push when it’s time to dive?

Here I am contemplating, debating, and appreciating all in the same thought the idea of what it would be like to really have my someone.  The real question is in all of this:  How willing am I to get hurt?

– ACovie