Stepping Out

I found myself exhausted

Depleted

A shell of my being

A life dedicated

To the satisfaction

Of anything

But my own desires

I wept

Holding to my convictions

Another day

It will get better

Another hour

All the same

Stepped out

To find my worth

Uncovering subtle cues

Affirmations

I long since forgot

Reminders

That this crazed state of being

Is temporary

A blip in the screening

Of my lifetime

A deep breathe, forthcoming

I can feel it in my bones

Shedding layers of the past

Embracing what’s ahead

-ACovie

Dull Balance

I’ve stuck a balance

Standing up straight

With my shoulders back

Only moments

Of fleeting insecurities

Depending on the day

Working towards

A life of value

And success

Whatever that may mean

Embracing bliss

Recognizing fear

The scale tipped

The highs and lows

Leveled

A clear horizon

And a desire for change

Where I find resolution

Maybe

At times,

Creativity is only discovered

Amidst the chaos

Making balance

Appear dull

-ACovie

What’s Next?

Strumming
lyrics from a song
We both love

Blurred vision
On the rug
I love, and you hate

This is us
A Saturday filled with
Bliss and discussion

About the future
The value of place
A cocoon of where we could be

Not where we are
But the future
Different from this

The smell of fresh cut grass
Laughter of familiar faces
Sense of community

Lacking
Like a story
Untold

A vision
So far away
Yet within reach

I feel you
In my bones
Destiny

Cornered
In the perfect ideation
A falsehood

Here we stand
At a crossroads
Blindfolded

Where do we go from here
This shift
I feel deep, within my soul

We hit reset
Here we are
Unsure where to go next

Excited
For a chapter
Yet to be told

-ACovie

My Triumph

At times, I find myself
Unsure
Of my temerity
Am I within your perspective?
I’m searching
Uncovering the answers
I cannot possibly understand
Goals
To better another
Within reach
Yet damaged
A wading pool
Of disappointment
Unconceived
I’m exposed
At your disposal
Without your knowledge
I’m devastated
It’s your undoing
That consumes my presence
I’m in control
I’ve taken the wheel
You will not win
This is my triumph

Buried

I’m buried

Deep inside

Myself

A shell

Of who I once was

Vocal

Comfortable

Unafraid

This reality

Breaks my heart

How to you find happiness,

Behind a mask?

Full of discomfort

A daily swagger

Of dogging topics

Meant for discussion

A tight grip

On my tongue

For fear

Of perception

Knowing my architecture

Is not structurally sound

In a world where

Words are stronger than actions

And values

Are a sin

How did we get here?

Is this our existence?

Where there is no love,

Due to lack there of

How is it that

A fact is no longer truth

I think I’m dreaming

I’m buried

Deep within myself

A shell

Of what once was

–ACovie

Covad 19

I want to walk your streets
Aimlessly
With a friend
Finding myself
Internally warm
At 2PM
On a Saturday
Applying lipstick
In a well designed bathroom
Manifesting deeper plans
For the future
Possibly a dance party
In a friends living room
Discussing grander ideas
I just want to feel free
-ACovie

A Distant Past

It was long ago
A distant past
Another lifetime
Maybe I reminisce
Searching for that sensation
Bubbling from the depths
Deep within
To remember

You brought inspiration
In curious ways
Added saturation to color
And lit matches
In the darkest corners of my mind
A disparate life
Preceding chapter
Many more, written since

I recall the instant
An internal shift
Deep within my heart
A yearning
I couldn’t escape
Such a powerful circumstance
Recognizing your current existence
Isn’t the reality you desire
-ACovie

Please do Come Find me Again

Finding solstice
In silence
A rare animal
Limiting its presence
As if frightened
By my every move
I miss those moments
Of internal warmth
Transient
A rush
Fire flowing through my veins
Where have you been?
Please do come find me again

-ACovie

Unable to Last

Finding my way free

Creating space

And establishing time

To allow my mind to see

This frantic semblance

Crash car of thoughts

Screeching around my psyche

A taxing vengeance

At my own demise

I’ve created this whirlpool

That is my existence

In an effort to disguise

A past I’ve entombed

Deep within the depths of my soul

And marked for future reflection

Or so it’s been assumed

I need to face the demon

That haunts my yesterday’s

And reminds me of who I’ve become

Internally I’m screaming

A pursuit of my past

In search of understanding

On how we became

unable to last

-ACovie

Lost, Lost Again

It’s late and not only that, I’ve had too much too drink. I’ve come to the realization I need pain. I need to feel discomfort. I forgot it’s power, power to motivate. So here I am, drowning in my agony and wondering if to some extent I’ve created that which I wallow.  Stuck inside, cornered with my thoughts, I’m forced to face the realities of all the feelings I’ve been avoiding. Contrary to that I’m embracing the opportunity to write, to express myself in ways I haven’t in years.

I feel a sadness
I can’t explain
A dark cloud
Drowning my ambitions
Weighted
I’m sinking
Blanketed in sorrow
I can’t move
Maybe on purpose
I face inward struggles
I’ve brushed under the rug
With intentions to deep clean
Motivation dampened over time
I’ve lost my rhythm
Do I want it back?
Questioning all that is
Examining all that was
Determining what’s next
Conflicted
If only I could disclose
My private disdain
Baggage
Tucked away
Compiled in neat compartments
I find myself questioning
All that has become
All that is now
A raw sense of who I am
Seared
Without my permission
To a temperature
I didn’t invite
I’m lost…
Lost again

-ACovie